We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
