I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
