So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
