Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
