Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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