Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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