i was born a porn star she said
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
