i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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