put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
