I cockslap morals
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
