Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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