God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
