I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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