I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
