I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
