we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
