She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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