he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
