peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
