he wants to bone in the snuggie
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
