Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
