Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
