I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
