8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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