Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
