I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
