how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
