in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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