Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
