No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
