if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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