while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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