Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's like iHOP with fire
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
