i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Still dying that you shit outside
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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