so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she peed on how many people?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
