Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
