What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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