Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
