I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
