M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
