Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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