Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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