You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
