you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
