Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
