this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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