Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
