I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
