somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
