You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
