I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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