Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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